Clinton Nutcracker / Giuliani Bobblehead




If you perform a search for the Presidential Candidates' names on eBay, you can get a fair idea of their popularity based on the number of items offered.

Here's how the race stacked up last night:

1. Hillary Clinton - 326 items
2. Barack Obama - 186 items
3. John Edwards - 185 items (incl. items for Psychic John Edwards)
4. Ron Paul - 128 items
5. Rudy Giuliani - 62 items
6. John McCain - 56 items
7. Mitt Romney - 18 items

It's interesting to see that Ron Paul is the only candidate using eBay as a campaign tool. Under his search results, you can bid for large packages of bumper stickers, yard signs and other marketing paraphernalia.

Of all the items offered for all of the candidates, the best right now are a "Hill-arious" 9-inch tall Hillary Clinton Nutcracker and a Rudy Giuliani bobblehead doll complete with his signature I'm-a-hero-of-9-11 New York Fire Department cap.

Posted on August 1, 2007 1:25 AM | Permalink

Tom Tancredo Looks Like Pauly Shore




This just in...

Tom Tancredo looks exactly like Pauly Shore.

Tom Tancredo is a member of the U.S. House of Representatives and a Republican Candidate for President. Pauly Shore was a comedian in the eighties and early nineties before his particular brand of wacky-guy, funny-accent humor fell out of vogue with modern audiences.

In other Tom Tancredo news, our crack reporters found the candidate eating breakfast in Pleasantville, Iowa yesterday morning. (Actually, I found a picture and a little blurb on his website). Tancredo shared coffee and muffins with townsfolk at a restaurant called The Smokey Row.

If you'd like to check out Pauly Shore, he'll be performing on November 7th at the Holiday Inn in Salina, Kansas. See his website for more details.


Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs (and strange resemblances to "celebrities") of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.




Posted on July 31, 2007 2:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hillary Clinton Heckled: "All She Wants Is Power"




According to CNN, Hillary Clinton was heckled during a speaking engagement Saturday by "an older woman" carrying a sign that read, “She doesn’t care, all she wants is the power”. Hill-Dawg supporters responded by shouting back and pushing the older woman out of the room.

Mrs. Clinton bounced back from the provocation saying, “One of the things I love about politics, you never know what the day will bring.”

The lady candidate learned how to handle hecklers from the best, as exemplified by her husband below.



FYI: Do yourself a favor and never perform a Google image search for "granny" with your adult content controls switched off. I'm still reeling from a flash exposure to senior citizen genitalia.

Posted on July 30, 2007 4:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

John McCain: Sleeping Or Reading




Was Presidential Candidate John McCain sleeping at the State Of The Union address on January 23, 2007? The Senator claims he was reading.

Here's two examples of John McCain's unique style of reading.

Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.

Studies show that eating breakfast reduces fatigue and sleepiness in the mid-morning hours.

Posted on July 27, 2007 1:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Mike Huckabee Performs "Free Bird" By Lynyrd Skynyrd




"If you've ever been at a concert with Lynyrd Skynyrd, I'm sure you heard it before..."

On July 7, 2007, Presidential Candidate and Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee took the stage in Nashua, NH to preform a scorching rendition of the Southern rock anthem "Free Bird" with his band Capitol Offense. The band is comprised of the Governor (bass), members of his staff (plus one family member) and an investment banker (rhythm guitar). The band is billed on their MySpace page as "The Hardest Working Band in Politics!"

There was an uncomfortable feeling in the air as the band played the already down-beat opening at a painfully sleepy tempo. But when Arkansas Family Life Issues Liason Chris Pyle's drums and Presidential Candidate Huckabee's bass kicked into overdrive midway though the song, there was no question that this band rocked!

The response from the crowd was energetic and positive, even though a few more astute Huckabee supporters noticed irony in the lyrics.

"If I leave here tomorrow... will you still remember me?"

Yes, Presidential Candidate Huckabee, we will remember you. Long after you've run out of money and left the race, we will remember how you rocked. We'll remember how you brought Southern rock to New Hampshire and shook the earth with your explosive bass riffs. We'll remember how, when you were fat, you sat in a chair at your state's capitol and broke it to bits. And how you brought a rock-and-roll, just-do-it attitude to dieting and emerged as a thinner, healthier Huckabee. Yes, we will remember you and we will miss you when you're gone. Rock on Governor. Rock on.


Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles, goofs and bands of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.




Posted on July 26, 2007 11:37 AM | Permalink

Finally: Democratic Candidate Recognizes Breakfast




At Monday's CNN/YouTube Democratic Presidential Debate, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson made a passing reference to breakfast while answering a question about healthcare reform. "(A) healthy breakfast for every child," he proclaimed.

While Richardson's comment pertained specifically to breakfast in our nation's schools, it does indicate that he may have an understanding of the importance breakfast to our nation as a whole.

Our campaign is very excited about Richardson's admission. Mr Breakfast said in a statement earlier today, "Good for him. I kind of like that guy. He looks like a big friendly guy you'd meet in a bowling alley."

Governor Richardson fell short of mentioning the proven benefits of breakfast (including improved student test scores, lower obesity rates, lower risk for tooth decay and a tendency for breakfast eaters to smoke less and drink less alcohol than those who skip breakfast). However, he did take an important step in bringing this important issue to the level of national debate.

This campaign has stated that it would endorse any and all candidates who provide a position on the importance of breakfast. In doing so, this site would also discontinue any kidding or jiving directed at said candidate(s). Unfortunately, Bill Richardson's fleeting mention of breakfast does not count as a "position on breakfast". We look forward to a public statement from Governor Richardson implying that breakfast is important to all Americans.

In the meantime, please learn more about Bill Richardson from our articles, "Bill Richardson Whacks Photographer With Baseball" and "Bill Richardson Looks Like Dwarf Actor".

There is no indication yet whether Candidate Richardson will endorse the Vote For Breakfast Campaign when he eventually drops out the the race.

Posted on July 24, 2007 10:20 PM | Permalink

New Cereal Endorsed By Presidential Candidate




Political decorum dictates that I don't endorse any other candidate at this moment. However, it does seem appropriate, even imperative, that I do endorse certain breakfast products during the course of my campaign. Therefore, it with great pleasure that I give my full endorsement to...

Cinnamon Streusel Frosted Mini-Wheats

This is a great cereal. It has a classic vibe like it's been around since the early 1970's. This is a Frosted Mini-Wheat that was meant-to-be.

The box tells us that this new cereal has "Rich Streusel Flavor... The Taste of Frosted Cinnamon... Baked Into Every Bite". This descriptions doesn't quite capture the real essence. I'd be more inclined to say, "Frosted Mini-Wheats have just been kissed with a unique creamy, cinnamon goodness. It's not the kind of kiss that leaves a lipstick smear of cinnamon, but rather the other kind... a smooch that leaves behind a cinnamon smile."

If you like Frosted Mini-Wheats and you like cinnamon, I urge you to give this new cereal a try.

Please note that I, Mr Breakfast - Candidate for President, do not take any money from cereal manufacturers or any other special interest at this time. That is not to say that I'm not interested. If you are a cereal manufacture or other special interest and you would like to donate to this campaign, give me a call. As an unregistered Independent, there is no limit on the amount you can give. The sky is the limit. It's a win-win situation. Call me.

Vote For Breakfast 2008!

Posted on July 24, 2007 9:21 PM | Permalink

New Cereal Sparks National Policy on Oat Clusters




The complete name of this new cereal is Oat Cluster Cheerios Crunch and it's described on the box as being "A cereal with a perfect blend of five lightly sweetened whole grains and crunchy oat clusters."

The five grains are oats, wheat, corn, rice and barley. Naturally, you would expect this new Cheerios to have more of a health-food taste than it's namesake. That isn't the case. The dounut-shaped cereal pieces mingle together to create a flavor more complex than original Cheerios. The oat-like taste that makes original Cheerios so distinctive is still present in this cereal, but because it's offset by other flavors, it actually tastes less like something that's good for you.

Now for the negative...

General Mills has got some nerve referring to their tiny, straggling, busted-up pieces of stuck-together oatmeal as "oat clusters". The so-called "clusters" are too few and too small to be included in the name of this cereal. Honest advertising and promotion would require that the pieces be called "Oat Bits" or "Oat Sparkles".

They have also taken enormous liberty with the word "crunch". The dinky "oat clusters" add little to no crunch to this cereal. In Oats For Breakfast 101, you learn that smaller oat pieces are responsible for for quick cooking instant oatmeal. The reason is that smaller pieces absorb liquid faster. So it should be different with milk in a bowl of cereal? It's not. If you want any respectable crunch out of this cereal, you had better eat it fast.

Let's end on a positive note...

If you ignore the powerful, misleading words on the box, this is a decent cereal. It's an interesting variation on an old favorite. While the "oat clusters" may be in short supply, they do impact the overall flavor, lending a sort of oatmeal-cookie-esque sweetness. I may have felt deceived, but I did enjoy the bowl I had for breakfast this morning.

Will I buy it again? No... not until the box says "Now With Bigger Oat Clusters" so I can try the cereal I was promised in the first place.

In my first week as President, I will propose legislation to define the size and nature of Oat Clusters. We can end this epidemic. If they are not large enough... if there are not enough of them... you should not name a cereal after them.

Breakfast is how we start our day and will not have my fellow Americans starting their day with a bowl of lies. Did you know that children under the age of 14 are more likely to identify the breakfast character Cap'n Crunch than Department of the Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, Jr. That is a fact that I don't have to prove. It's true.

Good Americans start their day with a good breakfast. And "good" isn't just in the flavor, my friends. Goodness also includes honesty and fairness. You should be ale to expect goodness in your breakfast... and in your President. You can expect goodness from President Breakfast!

Posted on July 23, 2007 3:17 PM | Permalink

Who Is A Bigger Woman: Hillary Clinton Or John Edwards?




The New York Post ran an article recently called "Hill Not Woman Enough: Elizabeth Edwards" (07/17/07). It condensed statements that John Edwards' wife had made in a recent interview about Hillary Clinton.

According to Elizabeth Edwards, "Sometimes you feel like you have to behave as a man and not talk about women's issues.... She wants to be commander in chief. But she's just not as vocal a women's advocate as I want to see. John is."

In light of these statements pitting Clinton against Edwards on women's issues, we decided to conduct a scientific study to determine who is more of a woman... John Edwards or Hillary Clinton. The results will astound you.

To conduct our experiment, we used proprietary face recognition software from myheritage.com. After importing images of the two candidates, the mega-computers at myheritage matched the facial dimensions and distinctions against their tremendous database of celebrities and other recognizable individuals. To keep the results fair, we also included an image of Elizabeth Edwards to act as a null sample.



The images you see here are real. When the M.H. computers were asked to identify similar looking people, all three of our subjects created high-tech gender confusion. Hillary Clinton's picture returned the following lookalikes: Lucille Ball, Susan Sarandon, Sir Ian McKellen and Jon Voight.

The computers surmised that John Edwards resembled Tony Danza, Joe Montana and Katie Couric.

As for our null subject, Elizabeth Edwards - she too caused gender dysphoria. Her results: Joan Colins, Consuelo Velazquez and Chinese revolutionary Sun Yat Sen.

Having reached a tie in our computerized assessment of womanliness, we then turned to a subjective analysis of womanly traits displayed by the candidates. A point system was created. For instance, John Edwards' propensity for expensive hairdos and the amount of time he spends grooming himself earned 8 woman points. If a candidate showed a tendency to let their wives fight their battles for them, 6 woman points were awarded. If a candidate was in actuality a physical woman with breasts and female genitalia, the highest award of 10 points was given.

And the results...

Continue reading "Who Is A Bigger Woman: Hillary Clinton Or John Edwards?" »

Posted on July 19, 2007 12:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Romney, McCain and "Tar Babies"




"The best thing politically would be to stay as far away from that tar baby as I can." - Mitt Romney, July 2006, Ames, Iowa. Regarding: A troubled construction project in Boston.

"We are getting into a tar baby of enormous proportions and I don't know how you get out of that." - John McCain, March 2007, Cedar Falls, Iowa. Regarding: Federal involvement in custody cases.

It's understandable that political figures occasionally make verbal blunders. By nature, they talk a lot. Often, that's all they do.

However, it's unusual when two major candidates for the President make the same racially-insensitive blunder. In both situations, the candidates made public apologies and, in both cases, it seemed clear that they were not referring to "black children", as "tar babies" are defined in Wikipedia's List of Ethnic Slurs.

The now-politically-incorrect reference stems from an Uncle Remus story by Joel Chandler Harris. In the story, a fox and bear construct a doll made of tar to catch a rabbit. Once the rabbit came into contact with the doll, he struggled to get away only to become more entangled by the sticky tar. Thus, the term "tar baby" became popular to describe "a problem that gets worse the more one struggles against it".

"He was unaware that some people find the term objectionable and he's sorry..."
- Eric Fehrnstrom, Mitt Romney Spokesman (July 2006)

“I don’t think I should have used that word and I was wrong to do it.”
- John McCain (March 2007)

There may have been no real racist intent, but Romney and McCain were guilty of something else. Both men showed a complete ignorance of current events.

In May of 2006 - just two months before Romney's statement, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow was widely criticized for using the term "tar baby" in regard to a terror surveillance program. He said, "I don't want to hug the tar baby of trying to comment on the program -- the alleged program -- the existence of which I can neither confirm nor deny."

In fact, the term "tar baby" had been on any sensible politician's banned list since 1992 when it was reported that advisors for John Kerry called the Iraq war a "no-win tar baby".

If Mitt Romney and John McCain are unable to learn from the mistakes of others, they would be well-advised to look through Wikipedia's List of Ethnic Slurs. Americans no longer say "tar baby". People are not "Moon Crickets", "Spaghetti Benders" or "Teapots". People are people. We are American people and we want a President who will define our times with a dictionary of decency and hope. The word "tar baby" is not in the dictionary of a brighter tomorrow.


Also see: McCain Calls Vietnamese "Gooks" (07/04/07)


Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.

Posted on July 18, 2007 3:48 AM | Permalink

Clinton And Edwards: Too Cool For School




Everybody knows it requires a big ego to run for President. You have to stand before the American people time and time again and somehow project that you are worth listening to. To be a superstar, you have believe that you are a superstar to a certain degree.

But the disgusting egocentric comments caught on video last week by John Edwards and Hilary Clinton take the cake.

Following the July 12, 2007 NAACP convention, Edwards and Clinton spoke privately, unaware that their comments were being recorded. Their not-so-secret discussion showed them revisiting a plan to rid future debates of lower profile candidates.





Certainly other candidates in attendance such as Chris Dodd, Joe Biden and Bill Richardson consider their run for office to be serious.

As for the candidates that probably realize they have no realistic shot at the Presidency: The only reason that Mike Gravel seems to have been placed on Earth is to say to us, "Look at these candidates closely... there's a chance they are full of bologna." There's nothing trivial about that. Dennis Kucinich spoke for himself, "Whispering, trying to rig an election, then denying what's going on and making excuses. It all reflects a consistent lack of integrity."

After the egomaniacal comments, both Barrack Obama and Dennis Kuscinich approached Edwards and Clinton to bid them goodbye. The intonation in Hillary Clinton's voice when she said "Goodbye Dennis" would make anyone who remembers High School cliques cringe. You almost expets them to giggle when Kucinich is out of earshot, and hear Edwards say, "Oh my God... gross... I can't believed you talked to him."

At this point in the race, who does Hillary Clinton think she is? Does John Edwards really believe he is any closer being President than Bill Richardson or Joe Biden. I don't believe it. No one I know believes it. Achieving respect and admiration is cumulative process. Before Edwards and Clinton define themselves as the super cool kids of the political school, they should take a look at some old photographs. It wasn't that long ago that Dennis Kucinich looked like a movie star compared his more-recognizable competition.

As for dictating who should be considered seriously for our nation's highest office...

If I may offer my fellow candidates Clinton-Edwards a word of advice... just tell the American people your position on the issues and, maybe in the spirit of Democracy, you could let us work on slimming down the field of candidates. I know we're only simple American people... not the all-seeing Gods of politics that you seem to be... but we do have a passing familiarity with our nation's electoral process. We don't have "guys" that can talk for us, but maybe if we talk amongst ourselves, we can figure something out.


Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.

Posted on July 17, 2007 12:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Jim Gilmore Drops Out Of The Race Forever




Just as we predicted... former Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore announced he has dropped out of the Presidential race. He released an official statement of resignation on Saturday, July 14th... 11 days after VoteForBreakfast.com ran the story "Jim Gilmore Drops Out Of The Race (For Now)". In his statement, Gilmore pointed to his frustration with the Presidential nomination process as a contributing factor for his departure, saying "I have come to believe that it takes more than a positive vision for our nation’s future to successfully compete for the Presidency."

The statement made no reference to the fact Gilmore's latest financial disclosure report showed him with only $90,000 in cash on hand... enough money to buy 150 iPhones or 72 haircuts for John Edwards*.

A desire to spend more time with his family may have also played a role in his decision. That was the excuse he used in 2001 when he resigned as the chair of the Republican National Committee.

His statement went on to read, "I will be actively looking for other opportunities to continue in public service in the Commonwealth of Virginia."

While he didn't specify a precise sector of public service, the following government jobs are currently available at Jobs.Virginia.Gov:

• Food Service Worker - Southwestern Virginia Mental Health Institute
• Help Desk Supervisor - University of Virginia
• Art Model (Life) - Northern Virginia Community College
• Banquet Server / Bartender - Christopher Newport University
• Gift Shop Clerk - Jamestown-Yorktown Foundation

During his 6-month bid to be President, Jim Gilmore never once mentioned the importance of breakfast.

Sources: CNN; Dallas / Fort Worth Channel 11, New York Times


* Candidate John Edwards paid Hairstylist Joseph Torrenueva $1,200 for a single haircut in 2004.


Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.

Posted on July 16, 2007 3:22 AM | Permalink