Flashback: John McCain - My Cheating Heart




Larry Flynt and Hustler magazine are conducting an "ongoing investigation into the dirty secrets of prominent elected officials." They recently exposed Republican Senator David Vitter after his telephone number was found in an escort service’s phone records. Searching through phone records is one way to expose a politician's indiscretions. But when it comes to Presidential Candidate John McCain, there's an easier way. Just check the world's most popular encyclopedia.

According to Wikipedia:

McCain has acknowledged engaging in extramarital affairs upon returning from Vietnam. While he was in Vietnam, his wife Carol had been severely injured in a car accident. Due to the accident, she had become 4 inches shorter, gained weight, and had to use crutches to walk. Soon after his return in 1973, McCain began engaging in extramarital affairs. In 1979, he met and began an affair with 25-year-old Cindy Hensley. A year later, McCain sought a divorce from Carol and a month after that, he married Hensley.

John McCain's cheating became an issue in his 2000 run for the Presidency. Former President Bill Clinton was waist-deep in the Monica Lewinsky Cigar Scandal and the nation questioned the relationship of personal integrity to political integrity. When asked about his own cheating by CNN's Bernard Shaw, John McCain replied, "Let me say that I am responsible for the breakup of my first marriage. I will not discuss or talk about that any more than that. If someone wants to criticize me for that, that's fine."

In 2008, McCain's extramarital activities have barely resurfaced as a character issue.

Could it be that Americans decided that personal integrity is no longer important in our politicians? Jaded by Bill Clinton's penile proclivities, do we now consider fidelity and family to be mere political causes... standards for a candidate to support, but not necessarily to practice.

Maybe we're sick of muck-ruckers like Larry Flynt trying to dig up trash and bored that they usually find some. Or maybe we're just sad... sad that a hero returned from the hell of war and, instead of a well-deserved happy ending, the story of an American family ended in grief and despair.

Whatever the reason, the cheating heart of John McCain has become nothing more than a footnote in a giant encyclopedia.


Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.

Posted on February 19, 2008 3:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Obama Versus McCain: Battle Of The Bands




This is the story of...

Double Funk Crunch Versus The Mad Bavarian Brass Band

Recent finance reports from the candidates for President revealed that Barack Obama paid $1,700 for a band called Double Funk Crunch to play in California and John McCain paid $1,600 for a group called the Mad Bavarian Brass Band to play in New Hampshire.

Whether or not Obama and McCain face off in the general election, we can always have a Battle of Their Bands!


Barack Obama's Double Funk Crunch (aka DFC)

A nine-piece band out of San Francisco, California. They are self-described on their MySpace page as being, "Quite popular and successful... a high energy, fun party band." Their stated mission is "to bring quality, high-energy entertainment and a positive musical experience to everyone that hears them".

Pros:

- A jamming version of Cheryl Lynn's disco classic "Got To Be Real"

- Multi-Ethnic members

- Non-threatenng funk-lite sound appeals to seniors

Cons:

- Adult contemporary cover of Pink's "Get This Party Started" misses it's mark

- Glossy, slick, Las Vegas show biz image


John McCain's Mad Bavarian Brass Band

Like McCain himself, much about this band is shrouded in secrecy. From photographic evidence, they appear to be a 12-member ensemble. While their website only has two cryptic pages, we know that these Mad men specialize in German Marches, Waltzes, Polkas, Happy "Musik" and Picnics. Will they be able to March over their competition?

Pros:

- Rousing beer-hoisting German polkas

- Cheaper

- Matching uniforms

Cons:

- Can sound like music from a Leni Riefenstahl Hitler documentary

- No stop button for music on madbavarians.com

- German music could be more American


And The Winner Is...

John McCain's Mad Bavarian Brass Band

At $100 less than Obama's band, the Bavarians were a better fiscal choice. McCain's decision to use a German marching band at an American campaign rally was daring.





Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles, goofs and bands of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.

Posted on February 18, 2008 3:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Funny Looking Women Get Jobs If Hillary Wins Prez




There's no guarantee that American women will prosper if a woman becomes President, but there's two ladies who have a better shot than most.

Teresa Barnwell has been a Hillary Clinton impersonator since 1993. She's appeared on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" and has received two Reel Awards (the "Oscars" for celebrity impersonators) - one for Best Actress in 2006, and one as Humanitarian of the Year in 1999.

England's most-prominent Hillary Clinton impersonator is Penny Pilcher. She's a client of the Splitting Images Lookalike Agency... home of the largest selection of celebrity lookalikes, famous doubles and professional impersonators in the U.K.

Good luck ladies! But to play it safe, you may want to ask Tom DiCesare how he handled his career after 2004.




Posted on February 17, 2008 8:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Meet Barack Obama II




The man pictured above is Barack Obama - a 46 year old Junior Senator from... Hey! Wait a minute. That's not Barack Obama.

Meet Ron Butler (aka Ronnie Butler Jr). You may already know Butler from his numerous television rolls including desk clerk #1 on "Medium", reporter #2 on "Ugly Betty" and Assistant Coroner Arvin Morton on "Invasion". But more recently, Ron Butler has been successfully seeking work as a Barack Obama impersonator. He recently played the Presidential Candidate on the late night program "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"

If you'd like to use Ron Butler as YOUR Barack Obama, you'd better act fast. He's making the leap into motion pictures as "friendly man" in the upcoming film Smother.

To book "Barack Obama" for your next film, party or corporate event, visit Icons - "Hollywood's number one choice for celebrity impersonators".


In Other Barack Obama Lookalike News:

If you go to BackStage.com (an actor's resource), a company called Vertical City Entertainment was recently "seeking a Barack Obama Lookalike: 25-45, physical resemblance, singing, and dance ability a must". The casting notice was for a "musical short" and they were also looking for Hillary Clinton and George W. Bush lookalikes.

Posted on February 14, 2008 3:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Mike Huckabee Used To Be Super Fat




...until BREAKFAST saved his life!

In 2002, Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee weighted 280 pounds. Climbing a flight of stairs would leave him panting and sweating like a pig. He could barely fit his large butt into seats in airplanes and theaters. He once sat in an antique chair at the state Capitol and it collapsed.

But there was nothing funny about the effects of obesity on his health. The Republican candidate was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He experienced chest pains and feared heart disease. Physicians told him that he would not live more than ten years if he did not lose weight.

Facing certain death, "The Huckster" went on a diet. According to the New York Times, "it was as if he simply unzipped a fat suit and stepped out." In the course of a year, the Governor lost over 100 pounds.

How did he do it? He began to eat right, eliminating almost all junk food. His diet consisted of many small meals each day. He got serious about exercise and even ran the New York City Marathon in 2006. But there was something else.

In a live 2005 internet chat with Newsweek readers, Mick Huckabee said, "NEVER skip breakfast... I cook my own breakfast each day."

The scientific community has known the weight loss properties of breakfast for some time. Researchers from the National Weight Control Registry found that eating breakfast every day was a weight control strategy for 78% of successful dieters.

According to a Harvard study, people who miss breakfast are four times more likely than others to become obese.

Mike Huckabee knows first-hand what breakfast can do. So the question remains: when will he announce a policy on the importance of breakfast? When will he share his secret weight loss weapon with the world?

According to independent candidate for President, Mr Breakfast, "I don't dig his politics, but I like his ideas on nutrition."

Sources: Seattle Times (6/2/05), Newsweek (5/10/05), Wikipedia

Posted on February 11, 2008 2:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Hillary Clinton In Underwear




At addictinggames.com, you can find a Cyber-Hillary Dress Up Doll. The former First Lady is waiting for you in a droopy bra and man-boy underpants... and she's bald. She needs your help. You can dress her up by simply dragging and dropping clothing and hair from the wide selection beside the figure. I tried a tie-die tank top, camouflage pants and long blond hair and transformed the dumpy Hillary into a cute little hippy. If I were a Cyber-Presidential Candidate Doll, I'd totally be into her.

Posted on February 8, 2008 2:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Flashback: McCain Calls Vietnamese "Gooks"




The John McCain campaign is on a roll, and here's even more good news for his 2008 race to be President. He's no longer calling Vietnamese people "gooks" - at least not in public.

Back in 2002, the Senator told reporters, "I hated the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live." While McCain was referring specifically to unsavory prison guards during his time as a prisoner of war, his comments made Vietnamese people go crazy. You can still read some of the accounts at AsianWeek.com and AsianAM.org.

A day after his comment hit the papers, John McCain released a statement saying, "I apologize and renounce all language that is bigoted and offensive.”

According to onlinedictionary.com, the word "gook" can also refer to "any thick messy substance". There is no information at this time as to McCain's feelings on that kind of gook.

Please return to VoteForBreakfast.com in the coming weeks to see what Hillary Clinton says she never said about a Jewish guy.

Presidential candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.

Posted on January 15, 2008 1:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

A Better Barack Obama Dress Up Doll




Last week, I reported on a Barack Obama Online Dress Up Doll at cartoondollemporium.com. It was okay. It offered a few shirts, some pants. You could place a surf board next to him. This week, I give you a much better, bolder and perhaps even controversial Obama Dress Up Doll from addictinggames.com. In addition to funny clothing like polo shirts and short pants, you can dress Obama in a militant t-shirt, an African dashiki, Afro and corn row hair styles and boxing gloves. Before anyone shouts "hate crime", be sure to check out the site's Hillary Clinton Dress Up Doll (see adjacent blog entry). It could just be my perception, but it looks like her undressed figure has a bulge in it's underpants.

Posted on January 11, 2008 2:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

John Edwards Looks Like Clay Aiken




It's official. Side-by-side comparisons of photographs prove that Presidential Candidate John Edwards (age 54) looks exactly like singer Clay Aiken (age 28). Mr. Aiken was the runner-up on the second season of American Idol in 2003. John Edwards was the runner-up for Vice President in the national election of 2004.

In other news, it turns out that Presidential Candidate Rudy Giuliani looks just like a vampire. (See images at prosebeforehos.com).

And to recap news from a few weeks ago, Presidential Candidate Bill Richardson looks like a dwarf actor. (See images here)

Posted on January 8, 2008 3:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

McCain's Latest Wife Is A Cougar




When I was in Las Vegas last weekend, a recently-seperated friend of mine said he wanted to go to a cougar bar. I asked what's a "cougar bar"? My buddy explained that a "cougar" is a nickname for an attractive woman over the age of 50, a woman that a younger man would like "get with" despite a great age difference. We never made it to the bar that night. We ended up going to the Hard Rock Casino instead, but now I know what a cougar is.

At 53 years old, Cindy Hensley McCain is still pretty foxy. And she's successful to boot. - she's currently the Chairperson of the business her father founded, Hensley & Company - one of the largest Anheuser-Busch distributors in the nation. Despite an addiction to painkillers in the early 90's and a stroke in 2004, McCain's wife is standing tall and looking good.

Candidate McCain gets an extra point from Candidate Breakfast for having a cougar for a wife. Unfortunately I have to take three points away because he was still married to his first wife when he got involved with her in 1979. According to the New York Times (February 27, 2000), "Mr. McCain abandoned his wife, who had reared their three children while he was in Vietnamese prisons, and he then began his political career with the resources of his new wife's family."

John McCain has still not announced his position on the Importance of Breakfast.

Posted on January 3, 2008 3:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Mitt Romney's Real First Name Is Willard




Willard Milton Romney - born March 12, 1947 - alias "Mitt" Romney

Equipped with this new piece of information, detractors of "Mitt" Romney are trying to assess why a major Presidential candidate would campaign for office under an assumed alias.

On Romney's official campaign website biography, there is no mention of the name Willard. In fact, searching for the word Willard using his website's search function yields only one result: J. Willard Marriott.

Why would the former Governor of Massachusetts seemingly go to such lengths to distance himself from his own first name?

Recent research has led to a theory that Romney is avoiding his given name because of eerie similarities between the candidate and other famous people with the name Willard.

"It's not as if his real first name were Manson or Hussein," said a relevant source, "but there are certain correlations that voters could make between Romney and other famous Willards... correlations he wants to avoid."

Is Willard - alias "Mitt" - Romney like other famous Willards? You decide.

Other Famous Willards

Willard Stiles - Lead character in the novel Ratman's Notebooks by Stephen Gilbert and subsequent film adaptations including Willard (1971) and Willard (2003). The character is a social misfit who finds comfort only in the company of rats.

Willard Scott - Former weatherman on NBC's The Today Show. Willard Scott was also the first man to portray Ronald McDonald in a McDonald's television commercial. Scott credits himself for creating the now-famous character. His claim is widely disputed in the clown community.

Willard Kitchener MacDonald - Known as the Hermit of Gully Lake. This Willard was an unkempt recluse who, after jumping a troop train to avoid going to war in the 1940s, lived in a secluded hut by Gully Lake for nearly 60 years. Gully Lake is in Willard Romney's home state of Massachusetts. Coincidence?

Willard Christopher Smith, Jr. better known under the alias "Will" Smith - Actor (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) and rap artist ("Gettin' Jiggy Wit It"). A millionaire by age 20, Willard Smith admits to spending lavishly on jewelry and luxury cars. He once convinced the salespeople at Gucci to close the store so he could enjoy a private shopping spree (People Magazine).

Willard Richards - An early leader in the Latter Day Saint movement, a restorationist movement also known as Mormonism. Richards served as the private secretary to Joseph Smith, Jr., the founding prophet of Mormonism.

Presidential candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.

Posted on January 1, 2008 3:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Exposed: Rudy Giuliani Married His Cousin




It may seem like a romantic fairy tale. On the paradise of South Beach, Long Island, a little boy and a little girl build sand castles together during their respective family vacations. They get to know each other. They grow up together. They get married. The little boy becomes 107th Mayor of New York City. A beautiful love story made complicated by one small unfortunate detail... the boy and girl are cousins.

On October 26, 1968, Rudy Giuliani entered in to wedded bliss with the first of what would eventual total three wives. In a large Roman Catholic ceremony in the Bedford Park neighborhood in the borough of the Bronx in New York City , the future Presidential Candidate said "I do" to his sweetheart-since-childhood, Regina Peruggi. At the the time, young Rudy had just graduated from law school. Peruggi was a teacher and drug abuse counselor and... the the daughter of Giuliani's father's cousin. Our possible future-President had just married his own second cousin.

There are many who believe that the Holy union of cousins is relegated only to the deep South. Slanderous terms like "inbred hicks" and the less-offensive "kissin' cousins" bring to mind pictures of cut-off shorts and front porch swings. It's difficult to relate the concept of the cousin couple to the hustle and bustle of New York. But not only is marriage between cousins legal in New York, you can also marry your cousin in California, Florida, Texas and fifteen other U.S. states. Five additional states allow cousin marriages if the couple agrees to not bear children. In Maine, you can marry a cousin if you submit to genetic counseling prior to the marriage. In fact when totaled, more U.S. states allow cousin marriages than prohibit them.

The perception of cousin marriage as taboo seems to have been created by the Catholic Church who point to a particular passage in the Bible. Leviticus 18:6 states that "None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin. I am the Lord." (also translated by the New American Standard Bible as "None of you shall approach any blood relative of his to uncover nakedness; I am the Lord." Ironically, the Bible also holds several accounts of God instructing cousins to marry (ex. Issac and Rebekkah (Genesis 24) and the orphaned daughters of Zelophehad (Numbers 36)).

The marriage of the Giuliani cousins lasted 14 years. It hit a rough patch In 1975 when the couple agreed to a trial separation. By 1982, it was over. The cousins were granted a civil divorce and the following year the Church issued them an official "annulment" - a decree that the marriage never really happened in the eyes of the Lord. The annulment was issued on the grounds that Giuliani and Peruggi had not obtained a church dispensation for second cousins to marry. Giuliani claimed that he believed that he and his wife were only third cousins.

The immorality of cousin-love in the third degree versus cousin-love in the second degree is a matter of personal judgement. But in the case of Rudy Giuliani, the line of decency is even more blurred. The Amsterdam News (10/28/89), reported that Giuliani's divorce was not yet finalized when he proposed to his next wife, Donna Hanover. So while it might be acceptable to marry your cousin, Giuliani raises a new question, "Is it okay to propose marriage to another woman while still being married to your own cousin?"


In Defense of Marrying Your Own Cousin

Contrary to popular belief, cousin couples have only a slightly higher incidence of birth defects than non-related couples. According to "The Clinical Genetics Handbook" from the March of Dimes, second cousins have little, if any increased chance of having children with birth defects. For more arguments in favor of marrying your own cousin, visit www.cousincouples.com.


More Cousin Trouble For Giuliani

"If he's not marrying them, he's hiring them."

In 1994, Giuliani defended the hiring of relatives to his mayoral administration. A New York Times article from June 8th of that year paraphrased Giuliani as saying he had so many cousins... that it would be unreasonable to expect him to know all of those hired in his administration. There is no indication whether Giuliani would consider it unreasonable to know the the number of cousins in his Presidential administration.


Bonus: The al Qaeda Connection

According to USA Today (04/04/02), "Cousin marriage has been widespread in rural societies, where it serves to keep money and property within families. The practice is still popular in much of the Muslim world, including Saudi Arabia and Pakistan."


Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.

Posted on January 1, 2008 1:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)